And I feel fine…

Holidailies 2012About the end of the world…

Some days are truly crappy and not worth getting out of bed for.  Some days it feels like it doesn’t really matter what lies on the other side of awake because, really, how is it going to make a difference?  But, some days are good.  And some days are even great.  Some days it doesn’t matter that I’ve been unemployed for ten months or that I’m not sure when things are going to change or that the days are stretching out in front of me without any sure steps because, despite all of that, I know that it’s going to be okay.  It has to be okay.  There is no other choice than for it to be okay.  For ME to be okay.

And even at my most panicked, even at my most miserable and hopeless, I wouldn’t wish for the end of the world or imagine the end of the world or even consider the end of the world.  Because as far as I’m concerned, the point of life is this.  The stuff we have here and now.  Friends and family and laughter and love and art and music and books and nature and small moments.  The way the air smells when it’s about to snow or how quiet the city is at 4am or an unexpected phone call from a friend that lasts for two hours or a delicious meal made from scratch.  And even the crappy stuff.  Heartache and panic and loss and a good long cry, because the good stuff can’t happen without the bad in the mix too, it’s just how it works.

So, no matter if things are bad, even when I’m at a moment that feels like it may never turn around, there’s a tiny little spark of something that tells me that it’s all going to be okay.  And it’s that spark that I hold onto when things get really dark and doubt starts to settle in for the long haul. So, today is an okay day.  Not a great day, not a horrible day, but good.  I’m here.  I can write and I can talk to friends and I can laugh and I can cry and I can contemplate tomorrow, because the world is not ending.

Not even close…

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