I’m not a religious person, but I am one who loves the rituals of Judaism.  So, I love to light the candles during Chanukah.  It keeps me connected to my family, to my childhood, to thousands of years of tradition.  And there’s nothing more serene than candles burning in a menorah.  And it’s pretty!

It’s also a good way to be reminded of what this time of year is actually about.  Everyone is running around, trying to get everything done, buying gifts, making travel arrangements, fulfilling obligations, running, running, running.  We get so caught up in the frenetic activity that we rarely ever stop and think about what we are doing.  Whether you are religious or not, whether you believe in a deity (or many) or not, I’ve always thought that this time of year is important, but in a far different way than we’ve come to relate to it.

It’s about giving, but it doesn’t have to be about spending.  It’s about family and friends, but it doesn’t have to be about obligation.  It’s about enjoying oneself, but not about forced merriment. It’s about the turning of the season and the renewal of a brand new year, but it shouldn’t be the only time we reflect or make changes in our lives for the better.   Celebrating the season should be about all of those things that so easily roll off the tongue when we think about this time — joy and peace on earth and good will towards men and miracles — but we should think about what those things truly mean, rather than the cliche of them.

I write this as much as a reminder to myself as anything else.  And with that reminder, I’m trying to take each day of this holiday season to reflect and enjoy and to be open to the possibilities of the new year…

I decided since it’s that time again and since I am trying to be more proactive about writing and since I’m unemployed…again…that I would participate in Holidailies.  So here I am.  It’s a little bit pathetic that this site has been dormant since I last participated, in 2008.  I don’t make formal resolutions, because I feel like it sets you up for failure and it’s better to make commitments to change when you come to an appropriate moment, rather than just at the beginning of the year. However, I am starting Holidailies with the idea in mind that I need to write for myself more regularly, so I figure that by the time it’s over and the New Year rolls around, I’ll be in the habit of writing, and will continue to do it more regularly.  Method to my madness, I guess.

And because I just can’t do anything halfway, I’ve decided to also participate in #reverb10, thanks to Nels.  But, I’ll be doing that on Girl in Gotham Designs, and my focus will be on my jewelry design, ceramics, and other artsy endeavors.  Maybe I’ll post a few of those on holidailies.reddit.com as well.  We’ll see.  In the meantime, Happy Holidailies…

So, I fell off the writing wagon and didn’t keep up with Holidailies too well while I was in Florida.  However, I wanted to get this last Holidailies post in to end on a high note.  It goes back to a previous post about holiday traditions, it also is sort of a “what I did on my holiday vacation…”

What did I do?  Put together my dad’s new computer.  Fixed his printers.  We got him a new digital camera for Chanukah, which I subsuquently dropped in a cake.  Yes, you read that right.  I dropped a brand new digital camera in a cake.  We salvaged it though.  And then my sister reminded me a bunch of times.  I relaxed a lot.  I slept a lot.  I laughed a lot.  Saw a couple of movies.  I knitted.  I made earrings.  I rode go karts, bumper boats, played lazer tag, miniature golf, skeeball (all of that in one day!).

I ate really well.  REALLY well.  I even cooked.  My mom and I made a crapload of potato latkes and zucchini pancakes. I spent two hours grating zucchini and potato by hand.   And somehow, they tasted better because I made them.  I had so much fun doing it and wondered why I never do it myself.  Then I realized that it took up most of my parents’ kitchen and breakfast room.  And several hours.  Between the time and the space, I can’t imagine doing it myself.  But, I am so glad I spent the time doing it with my mom.  It had been so long since we cooked together and it was so much fun.

I promised Nicole that I’d take pictures of the whole operation, so here they are below.  Unfortunately, I only had my camera phone, so they aren’t the best quality, but they give you the idea.  And the photos don’t do them justice.  They taste MUCH more delicious than they look!

They aren’t exactly health food, but they sure are YUMMY!  It was a lovely trip home and sharing this holiday tradition with my mom was a really wonderful holiday tradition to revisit.  Who knows, maybe it will inspire me to do more cooking this year.  Then again, maybe not…

And on that note, so long Holidailies, hello New Year!

Nevermind that it rained this morning.  Nevermind that it’s overcast and looks like it might snow at any second (not likely).  I’m in the land of sunshine, damnit!  (Oh, wait, there’s the sun, I see it!)  I’m still sick and still hacking like I smoke three packs a day, but I’m here!

I was worried about flying because I’m all stuffy and didn’t want to be in enormous amounts of sinus pain or not be able to hear.  Fortunately, the flight was uneventful.  Although we left Laguardia a little late, I actually got into Ft. Lauderdale early, which was great.

It’s good to be home.  No matter how long I’m away or how long it’s been since I actually lived in this house (or even this state), it’s still always home.  I immediately settle in and relax and let go of anything else that’s going on in my life.  Fortunately, right now, as busy as work has been, my stress level isn’t particularly high, which is great, but I still needed a break from work and life in the city.  And having this cold that’s hanging on, it’s also good to be home, being fed and taken care of.

I’m getting a slow start today, which is just fine with me.  Still have a little bit of shopping to do.  Need to send out my holiday New Year’s cards.  Call some friends and check in.  Ahhh…lovely.  The beginning of vacation, with 10 days ahead of me, to fill as I wish.

So, nothing too exciting, but I did want to get back into writing mode, since being in bed for days on end feeling like crap didn’t inspire me to write much.  Hopefully, vacation will bring new inspiration…

I’ve been in bed with the plague (a bad cold and fever) for the last two days and didn’t have anything to write about.  So, this will be a short entry for a good cause.

Although I sometimes still feel like a teenager, more often lately I don’t (as evidenced by my previous entry).  Looking back, I sometimes long for my teenage years.  Things seemed much simpler back then, though as a teenager I thought everything was so complicated and important and there was such drama…and I was a Drama Queen.  Of course, hindsight is clearly 20/20.  As evidenced by the clothing and hair styles that we often look back at years later.

Last year was my 20th high school reunion and the reunion company made sure everyone had a name tag with their senior picture on it.  I know they say that they do this so we can all recognize each other, but I think they do it because it gives them the opportunity to laugh at our hideous photos.  And oh are they hideous!

That being said, I need to post my HAIRTASTIC senior photo for a fabulous cause.  What is that cause and how could my senior picture have anything to do with it?  The cause is Girls Write Now.  In January we are co-sponsoring their Winter Pair reading and so I’ve had a wonderful introduction to this fantastic organization that brings at risk teenage girls with promising writing talent together with professional women writer mentors.  The very cool Tayari Jones will donate $10 to Girls Write Now for the gratuitous posting of the hideous teenage photo.   So here goes…

So, go forth and give to a good cause of your choice (maybe even Girls Write Now if you are so inclined) and in the spirit of the holiday season, give ’til it hurts or maybe just until it embarrasses you a tiny bit…

It’s on days like today when I long for the ability to function on practically no sleep with little negative effect.  I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I used to be just fine if I missed a night’s sleep.  Right now I am so tired I can barely see straight and I’ve had a headache all day that previously would have only accompanied a hangover.

Obviously as I’ve gotten older, my ability to bounce back has disappeared.  Normally this isn’t really an issue.  It’s not as though I’m running around partying.  But, the other things that’s happened as I’ve gotten older is that I sometimes have inexplicable bouts of insomnia.   So, last night I got into bed, feeling tired and ready to succumb to a good night’s sleep.  Instead I watched the light change through my window and fell asleep after 6am, with my alarm going off at 8am.

The insomnia sneaks up on me and though sometimes I’m able to conquer it, other times I make it worse, by surfing the net, watching TV, doing things that keep me awake and keep me stimulated, rather than allow me to wind down. I’ve never been particularly disciplined about getting a good night’s sleep and have always been able to get by on just enough, or even not quite enough sleep.  However, I’ve noticed that within the last year or so, the sleep deprivation has been much harder to deal with.

I know that lack of sleep has been linked to obesity and it’s clear that when I’m really tired, I tend to make worse food choices.  I struggle already with ADHD, but adding on top of that a lack of sleep, makes the struggle far more difficult.  I’m not one for making New Year’s resolutions, but I know that something’s gotta give.  Right now I literally feel drunk and hungover at the same time.  That just can’t be good.  So, I’m making a New Year’s resolution, if a bit prematurely…MORE SLEEP IN 2009.

DISCLAIMER — THE ABOVE POST WAS WRITTEN ON WAY TOO LITTLE SLEEP.  ALL RAMBLING AND LACK OF ANY COHERENT THOUGHTS IN SAID POST ARE DUE TO ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…….

One of my favorite things to do at this time each year is to visit the various holiday markets that pop up around the city.  It’s where I usually get most of my gift shopping done.   Last year because I was so sick, I never made it to a single one, and I really missed it.  Yet, somehow, I hadn’t yet gotten around to visiting any of them yet this year.  So, tonight after work, I went over to the Columbus Circle Holiday Market and walked around.

The added bonus is that all of a sudden the weather has changed (yet again) and we left ass-numbing cold behind and returned to a completely manageable 60 degrees.  Lovely for wandering outside from booth to booth.  Unfortunately, I found not a single gift.  I did find a pile of things to buy for myself, but I (miraculously) refrained.  Nonetheless, the visit to the market was a success, as it was time with myself, taking in the sights and sounds of the season.

I only have a week left in the city before I head south to visit my family.  I’m going to try and visit the other markets (Union Square, Bryant Park and Grand Central) before I leave and hopefully find some holiday gifts.  But, whether I find any gifts there or not, the pleasure for me is in the exploring, in the feast for the senses that I find as I wander.  It’s not necessarily that the items for sale are that unique, or that the prices are fantastic or even that I couldn’t find the same things elsewhere.  It’s because it’s my own little ritual and December in the city wouldn’t feel the same without it.

So here in bed at the end of the day, I realize that between running nonstop and being at home sick, I haven’t spent much time this month just enjoying myself.  This evening’s little outing reminds me of just how important that is for me to do.  Now off to a restful sleep…

Growing up in South Florida, as much as I loved the holiday season, I sometimes felt a little deprived that our experience wasn’t out of a storybook.  There was no snow, no snowmen, no sledding.  Much of the time we wore shorts, went to the beach and could see the lights strung on the palm trees on our neighbors’ lawns.  And though the feeling of deprivation was partially geographic, it was also partially religious.  Being Jewish, the proliferation of Christmas and Christmas related merchandise, decorations, and TV specials, easily made Chanukah pale in comparison.

Don’t get me wrong.  I loved (and still love) Chanukah and my family’s own traditions.  But as a kid, “Herman the Chanukah Candle” was a poor substitute for Rudolph.   While Chanukah included a “great miracle” that I now appreciate for its place in the traditions of my religion, at the time it certainly wasn’t as miraculous as Santa’s one night delivery service, complete with flying reindeer, sliding down chimmneys, (nevermind that we didn’t have chimmneys in Hollywood, Florida), and the ability to do all of this without anyone hearing or seeing a thing.  Unsurprisingly, Jesus never entered into my equation, but Santa loomed large.

I never wanted a “Chanukah Bush,” which was a pathetic attempt to co-opt the majestic Christmas tree (this was well before my awareness of the Pagan Yule and Winter Solstice and my understanding that early Christians had swiped this tradition themselves).  I certainly didn’t want to get dressed up and go to church, like my friends had to do.  But, there was always something about the spectacle and lore of Christmas, and its place in a kid’s imagination, that I couldn’t help feel just a tiny bit envious about.  Fortunately, I had a lot of friends who weren’t Jewish and I was lucky enough to share in their families’ Christmas traditions, so I didn’t feel completely left out.

Outside of my family’s Chanukah traditions, among my favorite December memories are decorating the Christmas tree at Nicole’s house.  I picture us taking all of the decorations out of the garage.  We would unwrap all of the delicate ornaments, family heirlooms and macaroni creations alike.  Nicole and I would choose the perfect spot for each ornament…always on the bottom third of the tree, because we were short little girls.  We ate cookies and candy canes while decorating and there was always talk of what wonderful things Santa might bring. I felt such a reverence for this tradition, as in my mind, this is what it was all about. And in the same generous way that Nicole shared her family’s tradition with me, I hope that I was able to share my family’s tradition with her.

Growing up in a suburban landscape means that you are usually surrounded by people who are just like you.  I’ve always felt lucky that I had friends who were different from me.  My experience with Nicole and her family, as well as with other friends’ families (setting the table with Christmas dishes at Gina’s and eating date nut bread and cream cheese at Kim’s immediately spring to mind), gave me a taste of different traditions that enriched my life immeasurably.  And though I am now aware of the religious significance of Christmas, what my childhood experiences left me with is that the religion part (at least for me) is not what’s important.  It’s about family and beloved friends, and the the joy of time spent together and shared memories.

I still go to Florida each year for the holidays.  I still love my family’s own traditions.  Lighting the candles and exchanging presents on Chanukah.  Eating brisket, latkes and zucchini pancakes (that one is all our own).  Chinese food and the movies on Christmas Eve (like Jews around the world!).  Stone crabs and watching the ball drop on New Year’s Eve.  As I read through this entry, it’s clear that food is an ever present part of these traditions and memories.  I’m Jewish, so this is no surprise.  But held in my heart are the feelings that this time of year always evokes for me.  The freedom of school vacation and the ability to sleep in.  The cooler air that sometimes greets us in Florida, meaning the oppressive heat disappears and we can open the windows and enjoy the fresh air.  The relaxation of a vacation and the lifting of any pressure that day to day life includes.  And though family dynamics can sometimes make things stressful, I try each year to walk away from the holiday season, renewed and refreshed to start another year, fortified by the love of my friends and family and the rare few days when we don’t need to worry about anything else but being together.

Part of the issue is that I’m fighting a cold, but the other part of the issue is that I’m overwhelmed by all that I have to do before I go to Florida on the 23rd.  Also, overwhelmed by the millions of ideas floating around in my head that when I sit down to execute them, they either don’t materialize as I wish or they disappear altogether.

I’m a huge crafts geek.  There’s nothing that I find more inspiring than craft supplies, books, magazines, stores…you get the point.  I am certain that I own more arts and crafts supplies, books and magazines than most people and yet at the moment I am feeling paralyzed by my inability to do anything with them.  I have tons of projects in my head.  I have a whole bunch of people who need holiday gifts.  I am in my bed like a slug and staring at the television.  Now, I guess I should ease up because I am home sick this weekend and I am feeling a bit narcoleptic.  But that doesn’t explain the countless times over the last month or so that I’ve been staring at the TV or the computer screen or whatever, while thinking that I would do something crafty in a little while, and “in a little while” just never happens.

It’s this part of my personality that I find so frustrating on a regular basis.  Doing this stuff brings me a huge amount of joy and yet, I allow myself to be an immovable object.  I bought a bunch of amazing charm packs to create a couple of cool quilt projects; I have a ton of beads and ceramic pendants to make some jewelry, there’s yarn for knitting scarfs for my nieces, rubber stamps for jewelry-making and for ceramics.  Looking at all of these supplies makes me so happy.  Perusing the projects in my books and magazines does too.  I am inspired.  And yet,  I am stuck to the spot.

I have another blog that should be full of posts about the things I’ve made and the things I’m working on.  Nope, not a peep from me, other than promises of “soon”.  And an Etsy store that should be selling gifts for the holidays, and I haven’t managed to take a single photo or post a single item (though, there’s definitely stuff to sell).  Argghhh…the frustration of being trapped by my own inertia.

I want to turn over a new leaf.  I want to be productive and have stuff to show for my labors.  I want to sell the stuff that’s been packed away waiting to be sold.  But, I haven’t yet found the thing that will push me, to put me firmly in the place where I am creating on a regular basis and where I’m regularly earning some extra money from the stuff I’ve made, rather than the hankering to create that so easily turns into a missed opportunity spent putting it off.

The medication I’m on has helped somewhat, I guess.  It makes organizing my thoughts easier.  It makes not feeling overwhelmed a bit easier.  But, I know that the other part of this is just me and changing my habits.  Until I find some way to push past the natural inertia, I’ll be sitting here on my bed, staring at websites, perusing books and magazines, making plans for all the wonderful stuff I’m going to create.  A big ball of ideas and potential, yet to be turned into action…